The Lonely Boy
by Cricket1
Summary: This is not some fic when Harry kills or attempts to kill himself even thogh it seems like it! He is reflecting during his fifth year. Please R/r! I will love you forever!


Lonely Boy

Okay. I have been listening to Pinks song 'The Lonely Girl' for like three hours on repeat and I thought that it would be a cool song for a songfic about Harry Potter so here it is.

Disclaimer: I own Harry Potter. He is mine and no one else's! Honestly people! That is just sad. The song 'The Lonely Girl' is by Pink but since this is about Harry I tweaked it a little bit so that it is now 'The Lonely Boy' so just live with it.

A/n: This is in Harry's POV, K? K!

P.S. This takes place during Harry's fifth year

P.S.S. This is not some fic where Harry kills himself! Even though I love those!

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I can remember  
The very first time I cried  
How I wiped my eyes  
And buried the pain inside

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They all stare at me like they pity me. All except for the Slytheriens. They give me terrible looks. They think that I don't know what they are saying, but I do. And they are right. I killed Cedric. Voldemort was after me, not him. It is all my fault. I went to my room and cried for the first time in fifteen years (I know that he cries during the books but don't ruin the moment!) 

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All of my memories  
Good and bad that's passed  
Didn't even take the time to realize

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They don't have even a clue of what I go through. I re-live that night, thinking about everything that I could have done that could have kept Cedric alive. But I didn't. And therefore, I killed him. 

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Staring at the cracks in the walls  
'Cause I'm waiting for it all to come to an end  
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I wonder if I died, would anyone care? No. They wouldn't care that Harry Potter died. All they would care about is that there would be no one to save them from Voldemort. 

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Still I curl up right under the bed  
'Cause it's takin' over my head  
All over again

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I lay in my bed every night, never sleeping. How can people be so kind to me. I am just a grungy orphan wizard who has some stupid scar on his forehead. Hell, I killed a man and they all act as if I am in need of comfort! I just want to be left alone but there are always people gawking at me like I am some amazing person. But I'm not! Don't they understand? I'm just a kid….

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Do you even know who you are?  
I guess I'm trying to find  
A borrowed dream or a superstar?  
I want to be a star  
Is life good to you, or is it bad?  
I can't tell anymore  
Do you even know what you have?

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They don't look in the mirror in the morning and hate the person staring back at them. Every morning I look and I see a pale shell that was once a person. I look into my eyes and see horrors that could make even Dumbledore cringe. People seem to forget that I was once an actual person before I found out I was a wizard. I hate to say it but I miss those days. Everything was so black and white then now everything is so terrible and people expect me to pull them out of danger. I am a person! Not just some monkey put on display and expected to act like everything is fine and dandy at all times! 

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Lying awake  
Watching the sunlight  
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When I laughed with my friends, jeered at Malfoy It was all just an act. Secretly though, I envy him. No matter how horrible everyone says his family is. Well, at least he has one. He has someone to go home to on the holidays. I dread going home in the summer. 

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How the birds will sing  
As I count the rings around my eyes

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People say that I am over reacting and that they can't be hat bad but if they spent five minutes with them they would run, screaming, out the door. Me? I just do my chores and then retreat up the stairs to do my homework. Well, what I could sneak past the Dursleys.

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Constantly pushing  
The world I know aside  
I don't even feel the pain  
I don't even want to try

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Well, no more pretending. I'm through. I don't even try to eat anymore. I ignored Malfoy's taunts and they eventually stopped, seeing that they had no effect. Oh how he was wrong. Every joke that he has made about Cedric or my parents is eating me away inside. Can't anyone see? I'm not perfect! I can make mistakes too! I can make mistakes…..

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I'm looking for a way to become

The person I dreamt up

When I was 16

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I could spend hours on end just thinking about what my life could have been like if Voldemort hadn't existed. I would just be a normal kid with my parents that loved me with all their hearts. I can remember what they looked as if it were only yesterday that I saw them in the Mirror of Erised. Oh, if Voldemort hadn't existed.

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Oh, nothing is ever enough  
Ooh, baby it ain't enough  
Or what it may seem

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I tried, I really did but it wasn't enough. Cedric still died. I wish that I could die. At least then I could get away from the tangled web of horrors that is my life. It is his entire fault. Voldemorts. He gave me this scar; he made me an orphan. Had he not come after my family and me that night, my family would still be alive and people wouldn't be looking to me to rescue them. He has made my entire life a living hell. When did the world become my responsibility?

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Do you even know who you are?  
I'm trying to find  
A rising dream, or a falling star?  
Oh, I have all these dreams  
Is life good to you or is it bad?  
I can't tell anymore  
Do you even know what you have?  
Oh, no, no

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Even though I don't want it. It has always been my responsibility. Ever since that Halloween night when I was one. I have to face and defeat him. Not for anyone else's sake but my own. Fuck them! They know nothing. I have begun eating again. I realized that by not eating, I am killing myself and If I kill myself, he wins. And He will not win. Now, when I laugh at my friends jokes or jeer at Malfoy, it is no longer an act. Hey, In three years I can leave the Dursleys. Fuck Voldemort! He may have made my life a living hell but I will be the one to prevail and everyone will see. Finally I will be able to live the way that I want to. Everything will be wonderful again.

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Do you even know who you are?

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Yes. I am Harry Potter

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Well? Questions? Comments? Criticism? I can handle it. Give me your worst! J/K Please review!

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